I promise, I'm still alive.
A few days ago, a friend of mine asked me for a link to my blog. In passing it along to him, I decided to take a few moments to read the last thing I wrote. I couldn't help but laugh as I read it. You guys, I'm so sorry! Haha! The last time I wrote something on here, I was in the middle of the most confusing, painful, broken time of my life. That was in August of last year, almost six months ago! And I haven't written a word since. Honestly, that was probably what I needed at the time. Like I was telling another good friend recently, it's hard to see, to understand what's happening in a season of your life, when you're actually in that season of life. Aint that the truest. I had no idea what was going on, why I was hurting, why I felt so broken. I knew it had a lot to do with the anger, the coldness, the apathy, and the bitterness that I let take control of me. But I didn't see an end to any of it, or the purpose for it. I think it was good that I stopped writing for a little while. It gave me a moment to stop talking, and to find what I needed to find. An end. And as the year began to wrap itself up, boy did I find it. I began to see how the bitterness and anger was infecting my life, and in that realization, I was able to eradicate it. I changed my perspective of life, of love, of myself, and it was like my whole life changed, In a matter of months I began to see myself not as harsh, cynical, or disturbed, but as strong, and kind, and... Improving. Haha, yes, always improving. I'm under no delusion of grandeur that I am suddenly better or have miraculously made it. But I'm getting better. And that's what I wanted to jump on here to say. I'm getting better! I hate that the last thing I publicly said about myself is that I felt like I was surrounded by darkness. Yes, for a time last year, I was heavy, weighed down by a lot of dark things, but friends the sun did eventually rise! I also wanted to say that this year, I plan on publishing my personal journey, in its entirety. I've shared pieces here and there, but I've been wanting to write a progressive story for a while now, a tool I plan to use to help me process everything, good and bad, that I've been through. The Lord has done so much in my life, and I've been scared to talk about it because my story isn't very...traditional. But it's time. And I'm not afraid anymore, honestly. I think if anything came out of last year, it's that I didn't just learn not to be driven by my fear of being a disappointment, but last year completely wiped it out. And ever since I've noticed that, I haven't felt so alive.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
@NickALakatosThe musings of a man who experiences the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows. Archives
January 2018
|